Friday the 13th? Just turn it around, says Fabian.

August 14, 2010

Fabian Cancellara won the Tour of Flanders and Paris Roubaix in such powerful and convincing fashion this year that there was an insane rumor going around that he had an electric motor built into the bicycle. Really. People said this. “Mechanical doping”, they’ve called it. Riiiiiight. And it wasn’t just Tom ‘Montoya’ Boonen, the guy Cancellara rode away from. (Boonen never said this, by the way).

But, honestly, what else would you expect from a 185 pound diesel engine nicknamed Spartacus? He’s the current World Time Trail and Olympic Time Trial Champion for a reason – because he can ride away, on occasion, and in suitable conditions, from the best guys in the world just like he had a freaking motor in the bicycle.

But, of course, Fabian doesn’t have a motor in the bicycle. He’s just going for it. And he’s a mutant. And cuts the heads off chickens before every race. Or has some other superstitions that he follows, anyway.

Cycling tradition is that if you get the number 13, you pin it upside down. Cancellara did in the 2006 Tour de France prologue, and won it, taking the Yellow Jersey as race leader as a result. Looks like pretty good luck to me. Or maybe it’s his legs?

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Road Warriors – The Badger

November 1, 2009

C’mon, Bernie, shows us that Badger face again. A series of quotes from everyone’s favorite French cyclist. Ya gotta love Bernard Hinault. That guy would fight anything. To the death. Not his. A very suitable nickname.

The Badger

“If I can breathe, I attack.”

or, maybe:

“Hmmm. Do I have enough croissants for morning? The Fignon’s are coming over and Laurent can be pretty ravenous. I think I’d better get some more. Yeah. That’d be smart. And some espresso. Definitely don’t forget the espresso. Check and check. Hmm, pate. Need pate. Ok, check. Oh, merde! The finish line – hey, I won! C’est bon!”


1984 Paris-Nice.

“I’m trying to win! Get the hell off the road!”


LeMond: “Ahh. Eeee. Eerrrr. Piano! Piano!”

Badger: “Fuck you, Lemon Meringue.”


Hinault: “Later, bitches! Ima get to the velodrome in Roubaix and have myself a shower.”

The Peleton: “Nooooooo….”


“You touch this beer…I’ll firickn’ kill ya. You look at me…I’ll frickkin’ kill ya. Actually, no matter what, I’ll pretty much frickkin’ kill ya.”


An impostor in full Francaise de Jeux kit got himself up on the stage of the 2000-and-something Tour.

“Not on my watch”, said the Badger.


Another impostor gets up on the podium stage at the Tour. The Badger, or maybe The Batman, sprang into action.

Hinault: “Yer dead.”

Impostor: “Oh sweet Jesus I hope that’s not Hinault. Ah hell, it is.”